LET MY PEOPLE LAUGH: The Greatest Jewish Jokes of All Time!
In LET MY PEOPLE LAUGH, director, producer, and humorist Sal Litvak takes the reader on a joyous journey through the rich tapestry of Jewish humor, where wit and wisdom intertwine in the most delightful ways. This collection of the funniest Jewish jokes of all time includes lists of the best jokes for particular situations like a wedding toast, business lunch, first date, fundraising speech, or any other occasion when you want to make people smile.
From the bustling streets of Brooklyn to the serene shtetls of Eastern Europe, Jewish humor has always been a cornerstone of the culture, a unique way to cope with adversity and celebrate life’s absurdities. This book captures that spirit, presenting jokes that have been passed down through generations, alongside contemporary classics that will leave you chuckling and nodding in agreement.
The perfect gift for anyone!
Our Favorite Jewish Jokes
Everyone loves a great Jewish joke! From rabbis to parrots, from Vilna to Brooklyn, from cobblers to yentas, these are the world’s best Jewish jokes. Enjoy!
All jokes adapted by Sal Litvak, the Accidental Talmudist.
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Latest Jokes
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A Flood Cometh
A meteor is approaching the Earth. It will strike the Pacific Ocean in thirty days.
The world’s top scientists predict a cataclysmic flood that will wipe out most of the world’s population.
To calm the people, the Pope, the Dalai Lama, and the Chief Rabbi of Israel appear on TV.
The Pope says, “My children, there is still time to accept Jesus as your savior.”
The Dalai Lama says, “My friends, we must find inner peace as we approach this calamity.”
The Chief Rabbi says, “My people, we have thirty days to figure out how to live underwater.”
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The Chazzan
This joke was heard in Shul on Shabbos in Denver, Colorado, from Mark Rafaeli, who said it was one of his father’s favorite jokes. It’s very Jewish, so don’t feel bad if you don’t get it.
A young woman goes to her parents and announces she’s getting married.
Her mother says, “What’s his name?” “Benji.”
Her father says, “And what does Benji do?”
“Benji is a Chazzan.”
“A Chazan?! Over my dead body you’ll marry a singer.”
“Oh, Daddy, please. We love each other.”
“No.”
“At least hear him sing.”
“No.”
But she begs and begs until he finally agrees to visit the synagogue where Benji is Chazzan. After services, they walk out and her father says, “Okay, you can marry Benji.”
“Oh Daddy, thank you. What made you change your mind?”
“I heard Benji sing, and Benji is no Chazzan.”
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The Newest Technology
Max and Benny are golf buddies in Boca.
On the first tee, Max says, “I got a new hearing aid. Best in the market. I can hear what those people are saying 400 yards away. I can hear a crow breathe in a tree. I hear everything.”
Benny says, “Wow, what kind is it?”
“Quarter to 10.”
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The Prodigal Son Returns
During that window in time, when the Ivy League embraced Jews, Richard Goldstein grew up in New Haven, the son of prominent Yale professors.
He became a rising scholar himself, and he was invited to give an important lecture in front of the whole Yale faculty, the final test before being granted tenure alongside his parents.
On the biggest night of his life, he nervously placed his notes on the podium, and they all fell on the floor around him. And as he bent down to pick up his notes, he passed gas, explosively, and he was mortified to hear the fart amplified by the PA system at wall shaking level.
The audience gasped, and then suppressed its chuckles. Completely unnerved, Goldstein stammered through about half of his speech.
He gave up and ran off the stage, headed straight to his car, and roared off the Yale campus, never to return.
Many years later, his parents pass away, and he returns to tie up the estate. He’s sitting at a sidewalk cafe, reminiscing, when a young waiter brings his coffee.
“First time in New Haven?”
“Actually, I grew up here, but I moved away.”
“Do you visit often?”
“Not in years. Something happened, and I’ve been too embarrassed to return.”
“Well, sir, I may not have your life experience, but one thing I’ve learned is what seems embarrassing to me, most people don’t even notice, let alone remember. I bet that’s true for your incident too.”
“I suppose that’s possible, but I doubt it.”
“Was it a long time ago?”
“It’s been decades.”
“Before or after the Goldstein fart?”
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The Secret To Long Life
An 80 year old man goes in for a checkup.
The doctor says, “I’m amazed. How do you keep in such great shape?”
Guy says, “I’m a Jewish golfer. I get up before dawn, I pray, I play 18 holes, I have my schnapps. All is well.”
Doctor say, “That’s good, but you must have good genes. Tell me, how old was your father when he died?”
“Who said my father died? God forbid. He’s 99 years old. I played golf with him this morning. We had our schnapps, and that’s why he’s still alive. He’s a Jewish golfer.”
“Okay, but listen, the genes have gotta be part of it. How old was your grandfather when he died?”
“Who said my grandfather died? God forbid. He’s 118 years old. He loves his schnapps.”
“And I suppose he played golf with you today?”
“No, Grandpa couldn’t play today because he’s getting married tonight.”
“Getting married?! Why on Earth would a 118 year old man want to get married?”
“Who says he wants to? His mother made him!”
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Got Meat?
Back in the days of the Soviet Union, as in all communist countries, food shortages were common.
Rabinovich walks into a store and he says, “You don’t have any meat, do you?”
“No, we don’t have any fish. The store without any meat’s across the street.”
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Ms. Mossad
Mossad is hiring a new operative. There are three finalists for the job, two men and a woman.
They say to the first man, “Inside that room, behind that door, seated at a table, is your wife. Take this gun, go in an shoot her.”
The guy says, “Shoot my wife? What, are you guys crazy?” “You’re not the man for the job. We need to know that you’ll follow orders.”
Second guy, “Here’s a gun. Behind that door, seated at a table, is your wife. Go in and shoot her.”
He takes the gun, goes through the door, closes it. Five minutes goes by. He comes out crying, “I couldn’t do it. I can’t do it. I can’t kill my wife.” “You’re not the man for the job. We need to know you’ll follow orders.”
They hand the gun to the woman. She walks in the room, closes the door. Bang, bang, bang, bang, bang! Click, click. Crash, bang, boom, bang, boom, bang, bam!
The door opens. She comes out. She says, “some fool put blanks in the gun, I had to finish the job with a chair.”
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Mitch’s Mother-in-Law
In quieter days, Mitch takes a sightseeing trip to Israel with his wife, and his mother-in-law insists on joining them, a fairly common occurrence for her.
She overshadows the trip even more when she dies in the hotel. Now the trip is all about her funeral.
The undertaker says, “We can bury her in a beautiful holy land cemetery for $5,000.
Mitch says, “How much to ship her back to New York?”
“Well, that would be $25,000, plus the cost of the plot. Very big money.”
Mitch says, “Fine, we’ll do that.”
The undertaker says, “Most people only pay that kind of money to have their loved ones sent here for burial. May I ask why you want to send your mother-in-law back there?”
“Well, I heard that a man died here 2,000 years ago, got buried and rose from the dead three days later. Just can’t take that chance.”
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The Last Seat At The Funeral
A businessman arrives late for a funeral and he makes his way down to the only open seat in the front, texting on his phone the whole way.
The rabbi waits until he sits down and continues his eulogy only to be interrupted when the businessman calls out to an usher, “Hey, I can’t get cellular here, what’s the WiFi password?”
The rabbi stops and says, “Respect the dead.”
And, the businessman says, “Is that all lowercase?”
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Airport Lounge
This one is very Jewish. Do not feel bad if you don’t get it.
In an airport lounge, a guy sees a very pretty flight attendant, walks up to her and says,
“Fly the friendly skies?” She just stares.
“We’re ready when you are.” She just stares.
“We love to fly and it shows.”
She says, “What’s the matter with you? Leave me alone.”
“Ah, El Al.”
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