• Table For Five

What is the difference between guilt and shame?

Table for Five: Nasso

In partnership with the Jewish Journal of Los Angeles

Edited by Nina Litvak & Salvador Litvak, the Accidental Talmudist


The Lord then spoke to Moses saying: Tell the children of Israel: When a man or woman commits any of the sins against man to act treacherously against God, and that person is [found] guilty, they shall confess the sin they committed, and make restitution for the principal amount of his guilt, add its fifth to it, and give it to the one against whom he was guilty. – Num. 5:5-7

Baruch C. Cohen, Esq.
Civil Trial Attorney

There is a sacred power in confession. In Parshas Nasso, the Torah commands that when one wrongs another, they must not only repay the debt—they must confess the sin aloud. Why? Because silence corrodes the soul. But a sincere confession, offered with humility and ownership, becomes a balm—restoring dignity to the wronged and integrity to the wrongdoer.

I have seen it with my own eyes: an 8-year contentious litigation between business partners dissolved—not through legal maneuvering, but through a heartfelt, trembling apology. No excuses. No justifications. Just raw truth, spoken with courage. In that moment, what years of court filings could not accomplish, one honest sentence did.

But beware the counterfeit. An insincere apology—hollow, coerced, or laced with defensiveness, reopens wounds and deepens betrayal. It is not confession; it is manipulation. It says: I want this over, not I want to make it right.

The Torah’s demand is clear: “They shall confess the sin they committed.” Not generalities. Not evasions. The sin—named, owned, and addressed. Only then can restitution be real. Only then can healing begin.

Because when an apology is genuine, it doesn’t just mend relationships—it cleanses the soul. But when it’s false, it’s another sin dressed as virtue. And God is not fooled.

Nili Isenberg
Pressman Academy Judaic Studies Faculty

You may have seen the video circulating of some 50 young hooligans on bicycles pulling up to a 7-11 store at the corner of Olympic and La Cienega, ransacking the entire establishment in a matter of minutes.  LA County District Attorney Nathan Hochman recently held a press conference outside this very store near our school to discuss his efforts to prevent retail theft which has become ever more frequent and alarming.  Bibi’s Bakery and Pizza Mark are just two other recent victims of crime in our own local neighborhood.  

The Torah is tough on crime, mandating punishment whether with fines, lashes, stoning, or even death.  The Torah also calls upon sinners to take responsibility for their actions. Midrash Sifri points out that “the first step in rehabilitation of the sinner must be his confession.”  In legislating such procedures the Torah establishes a culture of accountability.  Rabbi Samson Raphael Hirsch (1808 – 1888) beautifully observes that, “This power in man, which enables him to rule over himself in freedom, is the core of his personality; it is a portion of God from on high.  This power manifests itself whenever man does his duty in freedom.”  And when sinners neglect their duty, they act treacherously against God.

As the Israelites begin setting up their community here in the desert, their instructions lay out a plan for establishing an encampment around the Tabernacle, keeping themselves centered on God and God’s laws.  How can we help our own society today recognize such a higher authority?

Elan Javanfard L.M.F.T.
Professor & Author, Psycho-Spiritual Insights Blog

The Chizkuni, quoting the Sifri, comments: “Ve’ashmah hanefesh hahi, ve’hitvadu… zeh binyan av lechol hameitim sheyitvadu vidui – this is a foundational model for all sinners: the first step is confession.”

This model highlights a deep psychological insight: the difference between guilt and shame. Guilt says, “I did something bad.” Shame says, “I am bad.” Guilt can be a healthy, moral emotion—it arises when we act in ways that betray our values or harm others. It motivates repair. Shame, on the other hand, attacks the self. It says the problem isn’t what I did—it’s who I am. And when people feel shame, they often hide, deflect, or shut down rather than change.

The Torah’s process offers a brilliant antidote: it invites guilt, not shame. The sinner is told to speak the wrongdoing aloud (vidui), take responsibility, and then make amends—not just by paying back what was taken or harmed, but by adding a chomesh, a symbolic fifth. This added step signals a deeper level of repair. It says, “I’m not just fixing what I broke—I’m investing in becoming a different person.”

This is not about punishment. It’s about restoring integrity. The process reaffirms that a person is more than their worst act. As the Sifri emphasizes, vidui is the essential first step—not because God needs to hear it, but because we need to say it. Confession is not humiliation. It is the gateway to reclaiming our wholeness.

Miriam Mill – Kriesman
President, Tzaddik Foundation

When you wrong someone, it’s not just against the person — it’s a betrayal of G-d Himself. That’s the Torah’s main point in Bamidbar 5:5–7: Sin against a fellow Jew, and you’ve trespassed against Hashem. Why? Because every person is b’tzelem Elokim — a reflection of the Divine.

The Torah demands more than an apology: viduy (confession), repayment — plus a fifth. That extra bit? It’s not a penalty. It’s a principle: Teshuvah isn’t about getting back to zero. It’s about rising higher than where you started.

And here’s the twist: “ish o isha” — man or woman. Rashi notes this isn’t typical. Usually “man” covers both. But when it comes to hurting another, the Torah shouts: Equal accountability. Equal power to rise.

The Lubavitcher Rebbe explained: harming another Jew wounds the Shechinah, the Divine presence, itself. The fix? Confession that reconnects you with your truest self. And that added fifth? It’s the spiritual boost to turn the stumble into a launch.

Now imagine this: Just as the Torah doesn’t settle for neutral, but demands elevation — what if those who bash Israel and the Jewish people didn’t just stop? What if they turned around and honored us? Not tolerance — respect. Not silence — support. That’s true repair: when the world itself rises from the darkness.

In Torah, we don’t just heal — we transform. And in that, lies the Jewish future.

Kari Gila Sacks
LCSW

This week’s Parsha is always connected to Shavuos, celebrating our receiving the Torah at Mt. Sinai as “One People with One heart“ (Rashi). At the time of the revelation of the Ten Commandments, half of which are between us and G-d and the other half are between us and our fellow, we had achieved a special unity. This holiday is not solely a commemoration of our historical Betrothal to Hashem but is an opportunity to renew our commitment to our Father and to His children.  Nasso highlights the dual obligation we have to the Jewish people and Hashem in its description: “when a man and woman transgress against their fellow man, this being a disloyalty to the Almighty…”  Our Rabbis called this “Derech Eretz Kadma L’Torah!”. One’s interpersonal behavior precedes the Torah. Rav Dessler in Michtav M’Eliyahu explains that one who does not respect others lacks the attributes for success in Torah. Rav Dessler’s concept that derech eretz is a prerequisite for Torah echoes the Mishna in Pirkei Avos 3:2 which states: “Without derech eretz there can be no Torah”. Rabbeinu Yona explains: One must first improve one’s own character traits and excel in derech eretz in order to fully absorb and appreciate Torah. To preserve our sacred covenant with G-d, we must do right by His children.  Our commitment to Hashem and our obligation to our fellow Jew are reciprocal. As long as we’re treating Hashem’s children righteously, our loyal and faithful closeness to Hashem endures.

With thanks to Baruch C. Cohen, Nili Isenberg, Elan Javanfard, Miriam Kreisman (Mill), and Kari Gila Sacks.

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